Goodbye Is a Second Chance
by JAFootnote
Summary: What's the cost of the slip of a treacherous tongue? Shizuo learns the hard way that it's a farewell that was never meant to be. Shizaya mpreg Rated M to be completely safe
1. Chapter 1

Ikebukuro was quiet. Had been quiet for a while now. Stop signs weren't ripped from the ground and flung halfway across the city (a feat that would inspire envy in the most decorated Olympic javelin throwers) and for the most part, vending machines maintained their normal positions. The majority of people didn't question the cause of this sudden silence because who in their right mind would look _this_ gift horse in the mouth?

Shizuo Heiwajima, Ikebukuro's strongest (but really, who was he being compared to) stood with his arms folded in front of him on top of the railing of his balcony. Without removing the cigarette, he blew smoke out of the side of his mouth as he watched the scattered lights of the city brighten and dim periodically. He was still in his work outfit (confusing to some because he wasn't a bartender anymore, just dressed like one), not even bothering to change into his casual sweat pants and t-shirt, preferring to answer the irresistible call of nicotine.

Tom, and occasionally Vorona with her usual deadpan stare, would ask why he didn't kick the habit now that the major cause of his stress was _gone because of him because he-_ seemingly no longer around. His only answer was always a silent shrug and a look saying he didn't want the subject probed any further. Shizuo ran one hand through his bleached hair while the other removed the cigarette from his mouth and threw it to the ground where it was unmercifully stubbed out by Shizuo's shoe. He hadn't even smoked half the stick but it never helped anyway.

 _"They cause cancer Shizu-Chan. Ne, don't you wanna be around long enough to love me forever?" Eyes as red as the blood pumping through his veins, keeping him alive and a voice like a cat's purr…_

The blonde groaned at the direction of his thoughts. How was he ever going to stop tormenting himself with no chance of making things right when the flea- _Izaya_ had stayed away for six years and seemed to plan on keeping himself that way? Not that Shizuo could blame him. Why would Izaya ever want anything to do with him after he said _that_ to him? Why did he say it in the first place? Hadn't meant it even for a fraction of a second and wanted to take it back as soon as he saw that look of pure hurt flash in those usually guarded eyes. But despite being so inhumanly strong and indestructible, Shizuo was a coward where things counted the most.

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It wasn't like he had never tried to find Izaya, but the only people he could ask (Shinra or the twins) either emphatically denied any knowledge of his whereabouts or suggested that the information broker was decomposing in a shallow grave somewhere; _easy to see who said what_.

Without any real options, Shizuo could only ruminate within his growing frustration and where the nicotine failed to provide catharsis, chasing down scumbags who tried to skip out on paying their debts picked up a bit of the slack.

It was a day after sending one of said scumbags (who had really tried to run and leave his fucking kid with the debt, the bastard) flying that Shizuo was walking behind Tom and Vorona on their way to Russia Sushi. The only reason he didn't bump into Vorona was because he had happened to look up before doing so. Tom, a few paces ahead and noticing the Russian beauty was no longer beside him, stopped and turned with a questioning look at the now still Vorona.

"A child has been following us for approximately five blocks now." She informed monotonously.

"Hah?" Shizuo responded, turning slightly just in time to see a small form dart behind the edge of a building.

"Shall I take care of it?" Vorona asked simply and Tom almost choked in response.

"No, wait! You said it was a kid right? Let's just see what this is all about." Tom threw a ' _hey you_ ' in the direction of the child who did not appear.

 _Tsk_ 'ing in annoyance, Shizuo shouted "Oi!" which gained him a few worried stares from the passerby. Unexpectedly, a small tabby cat ran from behind the building, seemingly scared by the shout, but was quickly and frantically followed by the same small form from before. Shizuo felt his heart stutter in his chest when he saw that the kid ran right into traffic after the stupid cat. He broke into a run but the truck that sped toward the kid made it seem like he was pumping his legs through syrup.

He shouted something, he wasn't sure what, and instantaneously the truck came to an abrupt halt with an explosive crash accompanied by the sound of metal compressing. Guilt began to rise from Shizuo's gut and sink its claws into his windpipe forcing the air from him even as he ran around to the front of the truck. _Shit what did I do? Shit, shit, shitshitshit -!_

Time stopped. Shizuo paused, taking in the sight before him, his brain managing to short circuit at every synapse.

The child had one tiny hand thrust to the side, compressing into the truck's fender, steam rising into the surrounding air, while the other arm wrapped securely around the squirming cat. The driver jumped out of the truck panting, demanding to know if the kid was alright and insisting that he hadn't seen the kid who had "run outta nowhere" as a crowd gathered around the scene.

Shizuo noticed nothing but the child as it slowly raised its head and moved it from side to side in confusion, as if having no memory of what had just happened. Staring at the hand pressed against the truck as if it was a foreign object for a moment, the child then gradually stood up and turned to the truck driver who stared, bewildered.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" A small, timid voice queried. It took Shizuo a moment to realize it was the kid who spoke. The truck driver, who had a small stream of blood running down the side of his face, nodded dumbly.

"Oi." The small form jumped and once again Shizuo was slow to realize who spoke, embarrassingly coming to the conclusion a few seconds late that he had spoken the monosyllable. Spinning around too fast, the cap that adorned the child's head fell silently to the ground, revealing slightly curled chestnut locks held in a ponytail, and Shizuo felt both his brain and heart stutter. Those eyes. Smaller of course, on a little girl's face, and more frightened but still-

But then Shizuo was staring into blank space, the child gone _disappeared_ -? Then the sound of small feet hitting pavement whipped his head to the side and the little girl was only a speck of his vision in the distance. Not thinking, only knowing that somehow he _had_ to, the blonde ran after the child releasing intermittent shouts, telling her to stop.

Nostalgia hammered itself into Shizuo's brain- _familiar eyes, familiar chase but without-_. Throwing a quick look over her shoulder- _without a smirk though_ \- and acknowledging the shrinking distance between Shizuo and herself, she rounded a corner into an alley, still cradling that damn cat in her arms.

The debt collector turned into the alley merely a few seconds after the girl but was met with the disappointing sight of an empty stretch of concrete sandwiched between two walls of brick. On instinct gained from an agonizingly different yet shockingly similar time, Shizuo looked up though he could see no one running along the rooftops.

Sighing and simultaneously catching his breath, he leaned against the wall of one of the buildings. What was he doing? He literally chased after a little girl for no reason. No reason except she has eyes like bloody rubies and she smelled like-

Another sigh, this time of a name, "Izaya."

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 _Hello, everyone! This fic is dedicated to Novoux whose works you should definitely take time to read (with a cuppa beside you) because they are awesome, ne~ It's my first Shizaya fic and my greatest hope is that I did these two maniacs justice. With that in mind, please be gentle, ne!_

 _Thank you for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

"Ne, is Shizuo-San giving up on Iza-nii finally?"

Shizuo gritted his teeth but ordered himself to remain calm. Talking to Mairu always made the vein in his forehead throb painfully but this was important. "I'm asking if you have a younger sister. That's all." He released the bridge of his nose and looked at the twins who peered back at him curiously.

"Nope!" Mairu chirped happily, clinging onto her twin.

"We're the last." Kururui added monotonously.

"I see." Shizuo replied dismally. Not a little sister then. But what-?

"Is that all you needed Shizuo-San? We'll be late for Kasuka's film shoot." Mairu informed, hopping impatiently up and down.

"Huh?" Shizuo snapped out of his thoughts. "Uh, yeah. But are you sure-?"

"We don't know where Iza-nii is." Kururui cut him off.

"I _told_ you. He probably got offed by yakuza, or got buried alive, or…"

"Okay, okay I got it." Shizuo wasn't sure if the emotion winning in the battle in that organ behind his ribs was anger or despair upon hearing the twins' answer, but it hurt like hell so he supposed that that was all the consideration it deserved.

He waved as the Orihara twins, now university students, ran off excitedly. Izaya had never been close enough to his sisters to confide in them, so Shizuo wasn't entirely sure why he thought they would know where Izaya had been keeping himself. Desperation was the most likely motive. Desperation strengthened by the little girl who had _his_ eyes and _his_ smell but not _his_ smirk. Shizuo sighed and decided on spending the rest of his day off interrogating Shinra.

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Ikebukuro was a city of chance encounters and chance passing-bys. Anyone who lived there had to agree willingly or unwillingly.

Shinra was home and was pretending not to be. Of course Shizuo knew he was there, and of course he was starting to get pissed but Shinra was nothing if not persistent in his charades.

Forcing a grin on his face that would put most serial killers to shame, he gritted out with false cheeriness, "Come on you pervert four eyes, open up. I don't wanna have to break your door~" There was a crashing sound and a whiny plea in Shinra's voice addressing Celty.

"Celty, please!~ I promised him and he'll kill me if we let Shizuo-kun see-"

The door opened suddenly, revealing Celty, sans her helmet, in her usual black outfit with the same plume of black smoke billowing from her small expanse of pale neck. Shinra fretted worriedly behind her, his eyes darting quickly from Shizuo towards the inside of the apartment.

Shizuo looked at Shinra in confusion, his eyes unshaded by his usual blue sunglasses. What the fuck is wrong with him?

[Shizuo we weren't expecting you. Come on in.]

Shizuo read the screen of the phone Celty shoved almost excitedly in his face and stepped through the doorway, silencing Shinra's beginning of a protest with a sidelong glare. He paused for a moment after toeing off his shoes, inhaling deeply. What the-?

"Ah, Shizuo-kun! It's so nice of you to visit mine and Celty's humble nest of love-" A jab in the ribs from Celty herself interrupted Shinra briefly before he nervously continued, "but now's not really a good time. Or rather here's not really a good place. So if you would just-" A flick from Shizuo landed Shinra flat on his back, holding his hand to his red forehead and whimpering babyishly.

Another deep inhale. "You guys have cat now?" Before either Shinra or Celty could reply, as if on cue, a familiar tabby rounded the corner exiting the kitchen. Upon spotting Shizuo, its fur and ears pricked up and it darted away toward the living room.

Then, a child's worried voice. "What's wrong Kanra?"

A stab of recognition confronted Shizuo. He'd seen that cat and he's heard that voice before. Squaring his shoulders as if bracing himself for a blow, Shizuo walked the expanse of hallway and fully entered the living room, his eyes automatically snapping to the little girl on the couch who looked up at him from comforting the cat in her lap, her- _his_ -red eyes widening and her mouth forming a startled "o".

Celty walked into the room and over to the couch, while Shinra remained tentatively in the doorway. Shizuo watched entranced as Celty knelt in front of the girl and held up her phone so the child could read what she typed. _But what's she doing here? How's she connected to him? Does she know where he is? Could she tell me-?_

The child turned with nervous eyes- _not at all like his but his all the same_ -to Shizuo who fidgeted under the gaze as if _he_ was the child. Slowly she turned back to Celty and carefully nodded her head. That small action from that small figure somehow seemed to the blond to decide his fate.

Celty waved him over and Shizuo stiffly approached to stand beside her over the child. Her hair was once again in a ponytail and as he stared at her curiously, she smoothed the folds of the pleated dress she was wearing and crossed her stocking legs at the ankles, all the time being careful not to the disturb the cat. She looked so much like a little princess or something, with how straight she was sitting, that Shizuo almost laughed, more at the awkwardness they were both exuding than any actual comedy in the situation. But if he did he knew he'd make her even more nervous and he'd regret that.

Several questions ran rampant in his head now that he had the opportunity to ask one. The earlier queries he was entertaining were added to tenfold. He wanted to ask her how she knew Izaya because there was no doubt now she did in one way or another. Then if she knew where to find him because- _I can't take it any more I can feel myself going crazy I need to make things right I need to see him, talk to him, make him real again Please tell me Please_ -it was important.

Realizing that both Celty and the girl were waiting for him to speak in expectant silence, Shizuo pulled himself from inside his head. The cat (Kanra?), who had flinched when Shizuo approached the couch but refused to move from its spot on the little girl's lap out of some sense of protectiveness, growled when Shizuo made a move to sit down beside the girl, its diamond eyes glinting dangerously.

Opting to stand, the debt collector cleared his throat and decided to start small for the little girl's sake. "Um, what's your name?" There. Nice and simple, right?

Shizuo watched the child open her mouth but then pause as if freeze framed, only her eyes moving as they shifted to something past Shizuo. Confused, Shizuo turned around and he couldn't have lost more breath if he had been run over by a freight train. The force of them being _exactly_ the same eyes, as sharp and as dangerous as the switch blade that used to twirl between pale fingers, looking at him with not the emotion he wanted but without a doubt the one he expected- _deserved_ -, left Shizuo gaping.

Arms crossed against a thin chest and Shizuo followed the smallest movements of the fur on the cuffs of the same jacket, the same- _he's the same but no, he's different_.

"Answer a question for me first, ne." Voice more of a barely concealed hiss than a purr and Shizuo flinched involuntarily. "Would you mind moving away from my daughter? And while you're at it, do me the favor of dropping dead, ne?"

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 _Hello once again everyone! Second chapter done! Here's your healthy dose of Izaya being a little shit, ne._

 _Once again, this fic is dedicated to Novoux whose works are grade-A fantastic! Ne, I'm gushing aren't I?_

 _Thank you for reading._


	3. Chapter 3

There was just too much at once. Izaya _here_ , different but just like Shizuo remembered; _here_ looking at him with disgust- _but at least he was seeing him, existing in his space_ -; _here_ calling the little girl with his bloody eyes his daughter…Daughter?! How, _how_ could she be his daughter?

If the little girl was his daughter, wouldn't that make Izaya her-? No, no he wouldn't even think that because even now it tasted like betrayal- _now even though it had no right to taste of Shizuo feeling as if Izaya owed him more fidelity than that_. Shizuo owed Izaya fidelity and more; a debt to be paid in the form of apology, groveling, and his heart offered up for sacrifice, _even though it wasn't and hadn't been his to offer in quite some time_. Why? Why couldn't he just open his mouth and tell the fantasy turned flesh and blood that he never meant what he said. It wasn't true that he-

"Absolutely not." Shizuo started, the sound of his voice after all those years of silence like an electric shock to his system. He looked at Izaya, his coffee eyes burning with greed, longing for him to address Shizuo. But Izaya was looking at Celty not at him. The ruby eyes were narrowed and his lips were tugged down in a frown.

The shadows from Celty's neck created an ominous cloud before exploding and continuing the former smooth pillar while Celty stamped her foot in what seemed like frustration. She tapped something on her phone and held it for Izaya to read. Red eyes glanced slowly and disinterestedly at the screen before moving back up, narrowing slightly.

"That's not your decision to make Transporter-San." Shizuo's breath hitched as Izaya looked towards him. "Let's go." Izaya said simply. For a moment, the blonde stood hopeful and confused. Despite how Izaya greeted him, was he really giving Shizuo a chance-?

"Okay." The little girl, with the loyal cat at her heels, walked over to Izaya. As soon as she was within his reach, Izaya grabbed her hand firmly but gently and immediately turned to leave. Sparing a regretful glance back at Shizuo, the little girl- _Izaya's daughter But what did that_ _mean_ \- scooped the cat up with her free hand and dutifully allowed herself to be pulled away by Izaya.

Her look propelled Shizuo into motion because he knew- _he knew_ \- that if he let Izaya walk out this time without knowing the truth, he would never make the mistake of showing up in front of the blonde again. A short sprint to the front door of Shinra's apartment, a hand capable of crunching steel carefully closing around a jacketed wrist, and two pairs or red eyes, one dangerously sharp, one innocently curious, connecting with frantically honest coffee brown irises.

"Heiwajima-San?" A blatant slap in the face. Izaya had never called him that, not even when he was a flea being introduced to an infuriated Shizuo. It had always been _'Shizu-Chan'_ even when they thought they hated each other. Izaya had formally called him 'Heiwajima-San' in a tone of freezing hell over and- _it's like there was never anything between us_.

The pain he felt in his chest was awful but it would be worse if he left things as they were. After opening and closing his mouth in silence a few times he managed the one thing that rapidly circled in his mind, its centripetal force dizzying him.

"Izaya." There was a slight stiffening of muscles underneath his grasp and a brief flash of indignation in eyes telling Shizuo to- _stop. Stop right there. Don't proceed. You don't get to do this to me_ -let Izaya go. Glancing at the little brown haired girl who looked anxiously between her hand in Izaya's and Shizuo's around Izaya's wrist, Shizuo once again looked at the one person he needed in his life more than anyone else. Izaya's face had remained impassive but impatience entered his gaze.

Shizuo began again, "Izaya please. Just please listen to me. I have to tell you-"

Sharp tongue to match sharp eyes. "What could you possibly have to say to _me_ Heiwajima-San? I can't think of anything we could talk about, ne. Besides, I'm late for a meeting and I have to take my daughter home so please stop being a brute and let me go." He said all this looking _through_ Shizuo, not at him, and was now attempting to yank his arm from Shizuo's hold and the blonde knew that if his other hand hadn't been holding a tiny hand, there would already be a switchblade pressing against his Adam's apple.

As it was, Izaya was unarmed save for his dangerous eyes and words and Shizuo wouldn't have let the threat of a severed artery keep him from Izaya anyway. Desperate to anchor Izaya with him, Shizuo unknowingly tightened his grip on the thin wrist and only realized he was causing Izaya pain when he winced slightly and bones creaked in protest beneath Shizuo's fingers. Before he could release his hold and swear he didn't mean to hurt Izaya, Shizuo first felt himself lifted suddenly, Izaya's wrist falling from his grasp, then he was thrown in reverse onto his back.

Shizuo blinked, confused, at the ceiling at which he was now facing before noticing a light ache in his own wrist and turning to see small hands wrapped around it in a vice grip. Slowly, it dawned on the debt collector that he had been flipped like a rag doll by a little girl who had Izaya's eyes- _this was his daughter_ -and- _somehow_ -strength like him. The memory of the smashed fender only now reappeared.

"I'm sorry." She looked at Shizuo with eyes both apologetic and angry. "But I won't let you hurt Mommy."

Shizuo started to say that he understood and to assure her that hurting Izaya was the last thing he wanted to do but stopped when the little girl's words registered belatedly. Wait. She said mommy. Mommy?

"Shizu-Chan." Both Shizuo and the little girl turned to Izaya, but he was looking only at _her_. "Let him go." It was like an instant switch, Shizuo's hand hit the floor with a thunk, and the little girl returned to Izaya's side, Shizuo's eyes following her every move. Izaya warily appraised Shizuo with his eyes before turning his attention back to his daughter. "You may as well introduce yourself. He's a relentless monster when he devotes his one brain cell to something, ne. And it looks as though he won't be leaving us alone any time soon."

"Really?" The little girl looked up at Izaya in hopeful disbelief. Her response was a noncommittal hum but it was enough to completely brighten up her face which she turned excitedly to Shizuo. The blond sat up and met the eyes of the beaming girl. _What is she so happy about? She called Izaya 'mommy'. Is this kid confused or what? Because I sure as hell am_ -

The cat had taken to winding around the girl's ankles as she straightened and blurted out, "My name is Shizuko. Nice to meet you." An enthusiastic bow and Shizuo had to fight the urge to blurt out how the cute she looked in her earnestness.

Slowly, he smiled back at her. "I'm-" But he was immediately cut off.

"I know who you are!" The child- _Shizuko? Huh, they had similar names, that's why Izaya called her 'Shizu-Chan'_ -paused, red eyes shifting sideways to catch Izaya's who nodded resignedly. Younger red eyes shot back to Shizuo excitedly and the debt collector felt an inexplicable sense of impending shock. What the hell- "I'm your daughter!"

Shizuko grinned expectantly and triumphantly. Shizuo felt himself blink slowly, struggling to connect the dots that this girl had scattered with her words. "You…what?" Not eloquent, maybe not the most appropriate thing to say but fuck if Shizuo knew what he should have said. _His_ daughter? _His daughter_? The questions of who, what, when, where, and why were rippling through his brain too fast to be voiced so he just stared at Izaya, hopefully relaying the serious amount of confusion he was feeling.

Izaya stared back, unimpressed. "Ne, has Heiwajima-San fried his one brain cell considering the prospect of fatherhood? I'm a bit insulted." There was hurt there under the biting shot, Shizuo knew it, could feel it. He swallowed thickly before speaking.

"No I-I just-" Realization. Quick, sharp, and illuminating. "She's our kid? _Ours_?" Izaya muttered something along the lines of 'protozoal idiots' and Shizuo gave himself whiplash turning to Shinra who he just realized had been standing with Celty at the end of the hall the whole time. "How?!" He choked out.

The only answer Shinra had to give to the biggest shock of Shizuo's life was a mere apologetic shrug.

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 _Ne, am I shocking Shizu-Chan too much? His poor heart may give out after all._

 _Once again the tale of these two numbskulls is dedicated to Novoux._

 _Thank you for reading_


	4. Chapter 4

Izaya attributed Shizuo's quick acceptance of Shizuko to two things. The first was the animal instinct that resided within all beasts to quickly bond with their young after they have identified the offspring as their own. The second was that it was a matter of course that Shizuko, being his daughter, would be loved by everyone. So it was only natural that father and daughter got on well so fast.

Truthfully, Izaya had never intended for the two to meet. Shortly after his and Shizuo's break, he found out he was pregnant (only by happenstance during his annual checkup with Shinra; he didn't care for hospitals). Izaya was on the verge of slitting Shinra's throat for telling such a humorless joke so seriously until Shinra turned the screen of the ultrasound towards him. It took Izaya another week to accept the doctor's explanation instead of blaming his nausea filled mornings on his increased indulgence in ootoro- _which had nothing to do with a certain blonde monster, Shinra_.

The primary concern was whether or not to keep the child. Izaya spent another three weeks contemplating his options before deciding to have the child and then give it up for adoption. Anyone who looked at him and his sisters didn't have to be a genius to see the kind of people they were raised by (some silently questioned whether they were raised at all). Having no good example which to look to for child-rearing, Izaya logically concluded that it would be better for all involved if he gave the kid up.

The second concern, that of informing Shizu-Ch- _Shizuo_ , was quickly dispelled. He had nothing to do with Izaya and therefore nothing the information broker did had anything to do with him.

For the rest of the pregnancy, Izaya confined himself to his apartment, shooing away an all too willing to be absent Namie and only admitting Shinra. He lowered his load of accepted jobs to ones that required only his mind and his fingers flying expertly across the keyboard of his computer. When the time came, Izaya brushed off his anxiety with a flippant attitude and an easy smile…until Shinra induced labor and began the C-section. Not for the first time in his life he praised his foresight in sound proofing the apartment.

Izaya tried to grit his teeth to muffle the screams- _because Orihara Izaya did NOT give in to pain_. But when that only made the agony worse he chose to forego any restrictions set by his pride and yelled whenever it became too much to bear. It wasn't the knife slicing him open that hurt (Shinra had numbed his stomach), it was the feeling of being torn from the inside out by the tiny form that fought to come into being.

Izaya had flopped back on the bed when crying finally met his ears. Shinra was busy at Izaya's mid-section, armed with needle, thread, and a stapler. But Izaya wasn't watching Shinra stitching him back together. His eyes exhaustedly slid toward the source of the crying and he saw Celty, appointed as mid-wife by the overly zealous Shinra, cradling something in her arms.

Izaya blinked hard and fast when he saw little fingers wriggle out of their blanket prison. He considered it only as one of the many unescapable after effects of giving birth. Both Celty and Shinra turned to him in shock (an assumption concerning Celty) when he croaked out in a voice so clearly not his own, " _Please_. Let me…" Carefully, the bundle was placed in his arms and the crying stopped altogether. Those same little appendages groped until they wrapped around the finger Izaya had extended toward them. And then he actually cried, an action which, given the rare circumstances, Izaya was completely alright with.

He no longer had any attention of letting the child go and when Shinra walked back into the room an hour later, finding Izaya in the same position and asked if Izaya needed anything, Izaya shook his head without looking up.

He smiled down at his daughter, his Shizuko- _I don't need anything but her_.

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Shizuko had always called him "Mommy." She had known only Izaya her whole life (besides occasional visits from Shinra and Celty) and he was her whole world. Something must have told her- _though Izaya suspected someone, namely Shinra_ -that this all-absorbing connection made Izaya her mother and she happily addressed him accordingly. Izaya never corrected her because she technically wasn't wrong and it was- _cute_ -interesting to have her call him that.

By the age of six, Shizuko had traveled with Izaya to four countries and spoke three languages, working on her fourth, Gaelic, which she wanted to study because she learned that that was Celty Nee-San's native tongue. Shizuko had never minded that Celty didn't have a head because that was the way she had always known her and because the dullahan had always doted on her. Shinra often commented on Shizuko's hyper-intelligence and suggested that she had received this along with her eye color from Izaya. Izaya scoffed deigning not to respond to the obviousness of that statement, though he sometimes saw in his daughter traits of the father she hadn't met. The main resemblance to Shizuo, besides his natural brown hair, was Shizuko's strength which Izaya had discovered upon walking into the living room to see a four year-old Shizuko lifting the sectional to retrieve her toy which had rolled under it. Really, he shouldn't have been surprised, but witnessing a reminder of Shizuo in _his_ daughter unsettled him.

Shizuko, for her part, had also caught on to and emulated her mother's observational skills. After coming back from an outing with Izaya, during which more families were out and about than usual, Shizuko, with a tone of open curiosity, asked Izaya, "Do I have a daddy?"

Izaya attempted to give her a vague answer and change the subject but, like her father, Shizuko could be stubborn. Giving in, Izaya told her that she did have a father but that he and Izaya were not on speaking terms. She would have asked why, Izaya could see, but with an insight peculiar for her age, she realized that this would have caused her mother pain and instead asked if she could at least know her father's name. Izaya was not stupid. He knew Shizuko would only want to meet Shizuo if she was given that bit of information. But he felt that he owed her this and told her anyway.

Still, he was surprised when Shizuko ran into the house one afternoon clutching her kitten Kanra (she had discovered Izaya's online handle while peering at his phone over his shoulder and taken a liking to it) to her chest. To Izaya's concerned inquiries as to where she had been and why she came in so out of breath, she only managed a gasped, "I saw him, Mommy!" before clinging onto Izaya's leg and collapsing into giggles.

After he had put Shizuko to bed for the night, Izaya had sat in the kitchen of the house he had bought to accommodate Shizuko and keep her comfortable, and painfully came to the conclusion that he could no longer deny his daughter her father.

On the day that Shizuo was questioning his sisters about his whereabouts, Izaya dropped Shizuko off at Shinra's dragging from him a promise to refuse any visitors, even patients, while his daughter was there. He left, walking the streets of Ikebukuro- _the city he had, for the past six years, only seen in quick glances during meetings with clients, a shame really_ -searching for a sight of the blonde in a bartender uniform. His plan was to simply offer the monster dinner and meet with him later in the day with Shizuko in tow. He would explain everything and leave how things would proceed up to Shizuo's reaction. Izaya's only worry was how Shizuko would take it if Shizuo did not accept her and chose to repeat what he had said to Izaya that silent winter morning-. Izaya grit his teeth and swore that if the monster caused his Shizuko tears he would gut him like the pig he was.

A sudden text from Shinra explaining how Shizuo had barged in had Izaya running back to the doctor's apartment, anger and fear pumping in his veins, constricting his lungs- _Stupid, unpredictable, protozoal amoeba_ -!

Upon setting eyes on the form he had tried for years to erase from his memory despite the constant reminder he was raising, Izaya's blood turned to ice. When Shizuo turned around, following Izaya's daughter's eyes to the frozen man, and actually looked his gaze with Izaya's, a fresh wave of hur- _anger_ -arose within the information broker and with a practiced ease he arranged his features into cold disinterest and asked- _demanded_ -for the monster to get away from his daughter.

He thought he had prepared himself for this. Thought he wouldn't be winded just by the sight of this reminder of his own past stupidity. But he was wrong. He was wrong though he was calm on the outside as he read Celty's message composed in the theme of a child needing to know her father. His hand was steady wrapped around Shizuko's though he swore that stupid muscle doubling as an organ was making a serious attempt to escape from its prison of sinews and bone. Izaya couldn't stop the flinch when the beast wrapped its paw around his free wrist. He didn't want to look at him, didn't want him to touch him or talk to him. Wanted to be far away from this place but tiny fingers tightening their hold on his hand reminded him why he had taken himself and his daughter out of their sphere of domestic comfort to parley with a monster in the first place.

So when Shizuo squeezed his arm too tight- _he hadn't noticed at first, sloppy_ -and Shizuko had jumped to his defense, Izaya decided that introducing the two was the right thing to do. And so father met daughter.

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 _Izaya being maternal is really cute, ne. He had a kid and now he's all grown up apparently. This odd but endearing story is once again dedicated to Novoux who continues to feed my addiction to this fandom. Ne, so irresponsible._

 _Thank you for reading~_


	5. Chapter 5

He imagined that this was what a nation without allies felt like. He had accepted and planned for an occasional intrusion from Shizuo but, as he should have known for a long while, that monster never acted according to his expectations. Over the three weeks after his and Shizuo's begrudging reunion, Izaya had the displeasure of opening his front door to Shizuo over a dozen times. It was only Shizuko's radiant joy that made Izaya swallow down and choke on his protests in silence.

Celty had always made it clear that whatever had happened between Shizuo and Izaya should not make Shizuko suffer the consequences of the void of an absent parent. Shinra had never commented one way or the other and Izaya took his silence as agreement with his own handling of the situation. But after Shizuko had actually met Shizuo, Shinra shattered that illusion with an admittedly well-worded guilt trip- a tactic that was only effective because it involved Shizuko.

Honestly, his last ally was Kanra who would hiss- _enough for the both of them_ -whenever Shizuo set foot across the threshold. That didn't last long though. Izaya had walked into the living room one day to see the traitor feline curled up against a sleeping Shizuo- _incredibly uninvited_ -on the couch.

This domestic invasion would have been bearable if Izaya couldn't feel ridiculous expectations, probably unbeknownst to the man himself, rolling off of Shizuo in waves. Constant presence in a familial-esque setting most likely gave Shizuo delusions of a candy coated future involving the three of them living in some sickening image of happily ever after. Izaya would have laughed but it was more pathetic than comedic, admittedly his kind of comedy but he couldn't- _wouldn't_ laugh when it came to that idiot.

Shizuko was always around whenever Shizuo and Izaya were in the same room, leaving no possible time for the debt-collector to voice any of his idiotic ideas. Though in the classic style of winning some and losing others, this meant more outings under the guise of happy parents spending quality time with their wonderful daughter- _only one part of that observation being true_. In her genuinely innocent way, one thing on the impossibly long list of traits Izaya loved in her, Shizuko begged to spend time together with both of them. And of course Izaya never could- _most likely never would_ -deny her anything.

On the days of these outings Izaya kept a strict policy. Shizuo was allowed to stay in the house until the moment Shizuko was safely tucked into her bed, at which point he was quickly escorted out. There were times when, if Izaya didn't act as fast as was his wont, Shizuo would open his mouth to say something, probably something in the vein of "wanting to talk" and- _I'll be damned if he gets to say one syllable of whatever the gears in that tiny brain of his are turning out_.

Once again, Shizuo disregarded the boundaries Izaya had carefully set with about as much grace expected of the mindless behemoth he was. By some incredible tolerance on Izaya's part, he and Shizuo were standing side by side in the doorway of Shizuko's bedroom. Her brown curls were splayed haphazardly on her pillow as she buried her face into the soft fur of the teddy bear she was snuggling. Kanra was curled up at the bottom of the bed, content to be put aside for the moment.

On the way back from the amusement park, where Izaya and Shizuo's simultaneously peaceful presence caused many a raised eyebrow, they had passed a toy store whose presented main attraction was a large teddy bear in a vest. Shizuko had stopped, distracted, causing Izaya and, by extension, Shizuo to pause as well. The blonde followed Shizuko's eyes to the window and five minutes later exited the store, with the bear in hand. Something very like- _but quite obviously not_ -jealousy tightened Izaya's muscles when Shizuko hugged the bear offered to her, beaming at Shizuo with a, "Thank you Shizuo-San!" The small shrinking of Shizuo's smile and the quick shifting of Shizuko's eyes to his did not escape Izaya's notice.

It was ridiculous- _are they expecting my blessing for her to call him "dad"? I don't even want that idiot here at all_.

But there he was, standing next to Shizuo and watching the serene smile on Shizuko's face. The emotional cocktail of one-part resentment and two parts guilt was swallowed enough to say, "She really like the bear you got her, ne." And now to fade back into a comfortable silence acting as an invitation for the monster to show himself out of a god's home. Surely Shizuo would know that his conjugal visit was over and would obviously avoid doing or saying anything stupid like-

"I love you." Like _that_.

Those words should not have had the power to stop all of Izaya's respiratory functions, least of all coming from _him_. But they did and Izaya felt a distantly familiar cesspool of illogical concepts rise like acid from his chest to his throat in a comically macabre kind of breathplay. Shizuko's question and commentary from the previous night suddenly came to mind.

" _Mommy do you like Daddy?" Shocked silence on Izaya's part and explanation, verbally unbidden, on Shizuko's. "Because I think Daddy likes you."_

Whether it all spoke more to Shizuo's open-book personality that allowed even a six-year-old to realize what he was feeling- _albeit a very bright six-year-old_ -or Izaya's perverse determination to not realize anything, he wasn't sure. But of the things that made Izaya so good at his job was his lightning fast adaptability. Silently, he shut the door to Shizuko's bedroom and, starting down the stairs said, "It's time for you to go Shizuo."

Footsteps immediately sounding behind him. "Izaya, please listen to me." Transition to the living room where almost without Izaya knowing, he decided to take a stand in the form of stopping short and spinning around to face the idiot who apparently had a hearing as well as a thinking problem.

"Get out." Simple order, complicated reasons.

"No. I need to talk to you-" Bursting of the proverbial dam.

"Ne, I have to apologize to you Shizuo. Usually people would only have to say things once, but I neglected to take into account your monumental stupidity. So here it is again, ne: We have _nothing_ to talk about." If Shizuo wanted to force Izaya back into the same old cat and mouse game, then Izaya would slide back into his role but this time instead of playing for laughs and for keeps, he'd have his fangs bared, playing for the kill. "And I know the overworked brain cell in that thick skull of yours only has so much room for memory capacity. But lucky for you, memory is how I ply my trade so I have enough for both of us. Confused? Well not me. Ne, that's why you don't have to expend mental energy you don't have just to remind me with a tasteless joke that you don't love me." Shizuo stood there, mouth agape- _stupid brute_ -while Izaya stifled the rising feeling of absolutely not a hitch in his breath.

The blonde took in the scene of Izaya not gasping, just breathing heavy with the exertion of having to explain everything to a monster, and took Izaya's momentary silence as an opportunity. "Izaya I-!" But as always, Izaya was faster.

"Oh! Or did you just say that because you thought if you didn't, I wouldn't let you see Shizuko? Ne, that's stupid even for you Shizuo. There's no way that would happen because, for whatever reason, Shizuko wants you around. So I'll suffer your presence, ne. Because I _love_ Shizuko, I love my daughter. But catering to your whims and entertaining your delusions is not part of the plan. So just devote that brain cell to remembering how things stand between us and don't try to take back what you said-"

"I never meant it in the first place!" …Well that was not what he expected but changing tactics was never Shizuo's forte so his statement only needed a little prodding before all his words fell apart into the pile of lies and stupidity they were. And if Izaya's heart skipped a beat at Shizuo's words it was because he was anxious about getting Shizuo to leave before they woke Shizuko up and excited over the kindness Shizuo did him by making it so easy to verbally destroy him.

After waiting for control to flood back into him through a few intakes of oxygen and exhalations of carbon dioxide, Izaya locked eyes with his opponent. "Then why did you say it?"

Those coffee brown eyes lost some of the fiery intensity they were sporting, and slid away from Izaya's cold gems in a sense of- _could it be?_ -shame. But they returned before Izaya had a chance to revel in his projected victory, leaving Shizuo with an agonizingly realistic look of sadness- _honestly, since when was this beast such a good actor?_ -and a voice to match.

"Because I was scared."

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 _Hello everyone. Had to summon up all of the unexpressed ranting energy I've harvested over the year to write Izaya's eloquent equivocations. Thank Novoux (who I hear writes really great stories) for this chapter's ending dose of Shizuo's kicked puppy look._

 _Thank you for reading._


	6. Chapter 6

Love in reality was nothing like it was in the movies. There was no heartwarming lightness with an accompanying feeling of certainty. The proverbial butterflies were more like discomforting worms and instead of the enlarging of the heart to accommodate this new feeling, it was a painful carving out of a space to fit this new person which if removed would cause the gory process of bleeding out. Yeah, nothing like the movies.

Shizuo had always been chasing him, chasing this flea pretending to be a human and claiming to be a god. All he wanted was peace and quiet but all the flea ever did was destroy every last bit of tranquility Shizuo had carefully constructed, bringing out the very worst of what he tried to control. Was it any wonder then that Shizuo hated Izaya?

If anyone ever asked what Shizuo would do if- _when_ he always corrected-he caught Izaya, Shizuo's ready answer was always, "Pound him into the pavement and kill that flea bastard." Plain and simple.

And Shizuo was one day provided with the perfect opportunity to do just that. The flea hadn't shown his face in 'Bukuro for almost a month, leaving Shizuo surprisingly irritated. The more he thought about it the more he was certain that his burgeoning anger was from knowing from experience that this absence was just a prelude to some shit storm courtesy of Izaya. For the whole day Shizuo had been more belligerent than usual which meant more low-lives being tossed across town and a thicker shroud of nicotine being left in his wake.

He smelled him before he saw him or heard him. A red light flashed across his senses, a tell-tale sign applicable to only one person, the one person with the eyes to match. Shizuo stopped behind Tom and Vorona and silently dropped the cigarette he had just lit, crushing it under his shoe.

"Shizu-Chan~!" Tom and Vorona stopped then and turned, looking beyond Shizuo. The blonde's jaw clenched automatically but he controlled himself enough to remove his glasses and slip them into the pocket of his vest. Only then did he turn to face Izaya.

It was the same routine. The same mocking tone, the same threat, the same flash of teeth and steel, and the same turn and lunge to begin the chase. Despite the obvious increase in anger, Shizuo was somehow aware that this was the first time in a month he felt so comfortable. Around another corner and past crowds that heard the crashing and yelling from a mile away and knew the drill enough to quickly scramble out of the way. Just ahead of him, Izaya made a sharp right around the edge of a building and Shizuo followed suit. Shizuo grinned at the sight of the dead end before them. A month away must have put the flea out of practice.

"End of the line, flea." Shizuo grinned, excitement thrilling through him as Izaya turned to him with the switchblade raised.

"Ne, how about just letting me go this once Shizu-Chan? For old time's sake." The flea smiled at him in a way he was sure was meant to be innocent and cute.

"Hah?! If you want me to think about 'old times' that'll just make me want to kill you more."

"Shizu-Chan's so mean. Only a monster could be so cold, ne…" And here began another of Izaya's long-winded bullshit rants but those were only meant to distract. Then there it was. The tensing of those skinny legs told Shizuo more than that annoying mouth ever did.

But this time Shizuo moved first, effectively pinning Izaya's arms against the brick with one hand while the other was wrapped around Izaya's throat just shy of crushing his windpipe. The blonde trapped the smaller man by pressing his weight against him. Shizuo gave Izaya credit for steadily returning his gaze, no fear visible in those bloody gems. No matter what, Izaya was never afraid to approach him, always running toward Shizuo even when he was running away. He had always loved that about Izaya-

Wait. What? Did he just think that? His shock must have shown on his face because Izaya's expression morphed into one of confusion, his eyebrows furrowing adorably- _What the actual fuck?! L-love? Adorable? What the hell_ -

"Shizu-Chan." Shizuo could feel his heart skip a beat at Izaya's tentative address. Had he ever been this close to the flea for so long? A horrifying realization. The irritation during Izaya's absence, the comfort at his return…D-did he…for the flea… Shizuo's eyes slid toward Izaya's mouth, that damned perfect mouth.

Yeah, maybe he did. Wordlessly, Shizuo closed the few centimeters distance between their mouths. There wasn't any perfection, only what felt right and the nearby birds didn't sing but flew away frightened by the echo of Izaya's palm connecting to Shizuo's cheek.

Izaya's eyes had hardened again as he spoke, "Ne, has Shizu-Chan's brain devolved even more since I've been gone? Why would you do something so disgusting-"

"Shut up! This is all your fault! Who told you to make me miss you?! To make me love you?!" Cinematic tropes wouldn't have approved of such a confession but Shizuo thought it was oddly fitting for them. And before Izaya could squirm his way out of this situation, Shizuo kissed him again.

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It was difficult of course, Izaya was always trying to run away but Shizuo would no longer let him. One month and Izaya begrudgingly accepted the new lack of hostility between them, two months and the flea actually let him hold his hand without pulling his knife in alarm, three months and Izaya could kiss him without looking like he would cry. Four months…well it was never like sex was Shizuo's goal. But he found he looked forward to the act because it stripped away all of Izaya's barriers. No matter how hard he tried, Izaya could never lie while they were being intimate. Shizuo became addicted to the sight of Izaya's carefully constructed masks falling away as he surrendered to the pleasure of Shizuo's touch. They made love facing each other more often than not, which gave Shizuo the freedom to look and to touch as much as he wanted as well as to prevent Izaya from covering his face. And the sound of his name-not that stupid nickname that he would never admit he loved-breathily screamed by Izaya as he orgasmed was always a main attraction in Shizuo's wet dreams. Afterwards Shizuo would demand that they cuddle (just not in such sickeningly sweet terms). Izaya would protest, merely for the sake of protesting Shizuo suspected.

 _Ne, is Shizu-Chan a monkey or something? Why do you always have to cling to me?_ Yet in the end, it was Izaya who refused to let him go in the morning, arms wrapped around Shizuo's torso in a loveable vice grip and his face pressed to his chest.

It was the morning after one of these wonderful nights that Shizuo destroyed the very happiness he thought was set in stone.

Slowly the cover of sleep removed itself from Shizuo's consciousness. He shifted and, finding the familiar warmth where he expected to, smiled and opened his eyes. Izaya's features were completely relaxed in sleep and Shizuo raised an arm to brush a stray hair away from his face. Izaya murmured slightly, leaning into Shizuo's touch and Shizuo was sure this was the way he wanted to wake up for the rest of his life.

Suddenly, he froze. The rest of his life? It made sense to _him_ but what would Izaya say?

Izaya always had this capricious habit of walking away from things once he was bored of them. And no matter how hard Shizuo tried to picture it, he couldn't imagine Izaya allowing anyone, even him, to cage him into domesticity. So was it only a matter of time before Izaya got bored of him too?

Shizuo felt his stomach turn and he sat up, one hand pushed through his hair while the other arm wrapped around his knees. There was a small voice yelling that he was being ridiculous but it failed to overcome the booming certainty Shizuo felt that abandonment was just his lot in life. So before that happened-

As if on cue Izaya yawned and went through his morning routine of stretching like the feline he was before rolling over and hitting Shizuo lightly with his knee.

"Ne Shizu-Chan you're going to fry your one brain cell if you're so serious first thing in the morning~" Shizuo kept his forehead on his knees, not looking at or acknowledging Izaya. He heard the flea shift and move closer to him. "Shizu-Chan what-"

"You need to get out." Izaya was quiet for all of one minute.

"Did you have a bad dream or something?" It may have been his imagination but to Shizuo it sounded like Izaya wasn't as sure of himself as usual. But Izaya's joking tone was exactly the wrong one to use in that moment.

Shizuo lifted his head and looked straight at Izaya when he said, "I'm serious flea. Get out. Turns out I don't love you after all." The look on Izaya's face should have made him take back what he said immediately but Shizuo was frozen with fear and self-loathing. He saw Izaya's eyes shine brighter for a split second before he was staring at his back as he slid off the bed and silently gathered his clothes. Once he was dressed he padded out of Shizuo's room- _out of his life_ -and a few seconds later Shizuo heard the soft 'click' of the front door being shut. His hand resting on the spot where Izaya had just been, feeling the sheets already grow cold beneath his palm.

He was off the bed and at the bedroom door in one bound. Running to the front door, he yanked it open hard enough to tear it off one of the hinges and stepped outside in only his boxers. Shizuo snapped his head back and forth, frantically searching the snow blanketed scene before him. But there was no sign of Izaya anywhere, not even any that he had been there in the first place. This realization hit Shizuo harder than the cold December wind that bit into his exposed skin.

Shizuo lowered his gaze to the snow at his feet and clenched his fists. "Shit." He had no idea that he could be this stupid, that he could be this much of a coward, that silence- _it's my fault dammit_ -could be so loud.

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 _The angst thickens, ne~ That's a given when it comes to these two. Once again this heart-breaking tragic tale of romantic fools is dedicated to Novoux whose stories you should read if you love life._

 _Thank you for reading._


	7. Chapter 7

He had always hated illogical things. If a conclusion couldn't be reached by fact and knowledge then it wasn't a real conclusion at all, only a glorified product of wishful thinking. It was a loveable attribute of his humans but one Izaya, being the presiding god over these lesser beings, never condescended to take part in. So he only took into account the possible logical causes of this breathing difficulty.

Izaya could say without the least exaggeration that he was, at his age of forever twenty-one, in the best shape of his life. He was used to running for long distances at top speeds and was no stranger to agilely scaling buildings. So he racked his brain attempting to understand why he was close to hyperventilation after only fifteen minutes of running followed by ten dizzyingly confused minutes collapsed on his living room couch. While outside Izaya's vision had narrowed from a familiar effect of loss of oxygen and thought the air was cold outside, there were no freezing winds to explain the trails of salt water streaming from Izaya's stinging eyes. Even more confusing was the fact that even in his warm and static position, his breath came out in foreign heaving sounds and his eyes still leaked and stung as much as they had while he was running through the deserted snow covered streets of Ikebukuro.

But _why_? Why couldn't he breathe, and why did his chest hurt so much- _and why did Shizu-Chan say that_ -and why was this happening?

 _Why am I wasting my time?_ Questions beget answers and these were in front of him the entire time. What was the sense of applying logic and sensibility to something so completely devoid of either? Izaya was just as guilty as Shizuo in all of this, if not more so. Shizuo was an idiot from the beginning but Izaya should have known- _had known_ -better. This state of confusion was just the normal price paid by his humans who made the unwise decision to abandon logic. If you made human mistakes you faced human consequences.

This train of thought slowed, but didn't stop, Izaya's ocular stream. With a shaky breath he stood from the couch and unsteadily padded up the stairs to his bedroom where he planned to forget this idiocy and Shizuo's face when he said-no, no none of that. File it away and forget the incident but remember the lesson.

The sight of a stretch of white cloth on his bed stopped him. Gingerly he picked it up and realization entered his sluggish brain. The monster had the habit of leaving random articles of clothing strewn across Izaya's room. Izaya's complaints were always met with a smirk and a "It's convenient, flea."

Well, there wasn't any convenience now, only a bubbling anger and a bitter taste in his mouth. His hands shook as he held the shirt's fabric tighter and another one of those weird gasping sounds expelled itself from his throat. Logic told him to simply throw the item away without another thought. Rid himself of any evidence of his naïveté and of the monster who had the warmest eyes behind those stupid sunglasses and who indulged the childish addiction to strawberry milk to balance the adult one to nicotine and who until very recently he was almost very certain he-but I _can't_. Sentimentality, slimy and sickening, undulated like sewage through his veins-possibly explaining the pain in his heart; cut off blood flow to the organ which had one job and one job only.

But realizing this didn't do any good and neither did fighting it through analysis- _if only feelings had throats complete with carotid arteries which could be severed with little to no effort compared to that involved in actually confronting them_. Izaya had taken a hit of that noxious folly of humanity and was coming down from a high of precarious altitude. And if his pillow was soaked by the time he woke up and if his fingers were aching from the way they were trapped in Shizuo's shirt in some kind of pre-mortem rigor mortis then he would just deal with it because, after all, he only had himself to blame.

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Shizuko had been a surprise. Usually Izaya had a dual policy concerning surprises; if he was the one conducting them, all was right with the world, if he was receiving them, it only meant there was an imbalance which it was his responsibility as presiding deity to correct. But there's no correcting what's perfect. And that's what Shizuko was. A perfect surprise in every sense of the word.

Shizuo-or more accurately his monster DNA-had unknowingly given Izaya a gift. And while it involved sensations new- _and frightening_ -to Izaya, he realized he could wholeheartedly thank that idiot for this little being who took his breath away and replaced it with amazement every time he looked at her. But then, of course, _could_ was the operative word. Izaya believed in his own ability to accomplish many things but retained the right to refrain from doing so for various reasons.

He had never known such overwhelming affection-not even for his humans. As long as those inherited garnets only shone upon him and as long as he was the cause of that radiant smile, he could do without everything else. Izaya's childhood had left him jaded and cold, unable to even fathom what love- _be it familial or, God who does not exist forbid, romantic_ -could ever have to do with him. Yes, he loved his humans but it was the distance he maintained that kept his heart fond. And he proclaimed to himself and to the world that he was fine with that, preferred it that way even.

But Shizuko had made him dig beneath his own bullshit and he was surprised- _but not really; he tried to lie to himself but never with the full satisfaction of success_ -to find that the truth did not lie in this sentiment. He saw what his parents' mistakes had done to him- _but were these even mistakes when their actions were so without any sense of effort or acknowledgement_ , never mind-and he swore to give Shizuko everything he never had and never even had a chance to think that he could have wanted. Izaya had completely closed off one part of his heart in order to devote it all to the owner of the little hand that felt so fragile and yet so strong in his own.

But now here Shizuo was in front of him attempting to pry open that shut off section of cardiac muscle with an, admittedly plausible, explanation for his actions that welded it closed in the first place. And that little masochistic organ obviously hadn't learned its lesson or it would have refrained from stuttering in excitement just from one sentence from the beast.

"So is Shizuo-San trying to blame all of this on my neglecting to coddle him like the overgrown child he is?"

Shizuo looked both horrified at the interpretation of his words and deeply saddened by it. "No! You were doing everything right. And I was just too stupid to see that I really _had_ you and that everything was absolutely fucking perfect."

"You're saying you told me you didn't love me _because_ you loved me? Ne, that isn't a very good excuse."

Shizuo shook his head but the exasperation was clearly with himself. "It's not an excuse." They were both still standing and Shizuo looked right into Izaya's eyes. "I know that you forgiving me or even believing me is against the odds. I have to face that. But it's also a chance I gotta take."

Izaya didn't want to be doing this. He didn't want to look into those unguarded eyes and see any trace of the truth he was too afraid to believe was really there. But he couldn't look away and his solace in his own silence was revoked when his heart- _not his brain, his brain would never betray him like this_ -usurped control of his vocal chords. "So now what Shizuo?" The opening Shizuo was waiting for.

The monster stepped closer. "Now…you could let me kiss you?" It had the ending inflection of a question and the absence of an immediate dismissal from Izaya only spoke to his own crumbling defenses.

Shizuo had his hands tentatively cupped against Izaya's cheeks and Izaya began to tremble because it shouldn't have been happening- _it shouldn't be this easy_. A painfully familiar pair of lips covered his own before the yelp of protest could leave them and suddenly something clicked. It _was_ supposed to be this easy. That was the point, that was always the point.

Izaya had forgotten but it all came back before his eyes like a movie reel. Thinking was never hard for him-he was often called a genius-but it did require effort. When he was with Shizuo, even if it was the high-stakes chase through Ikebukuro, he didn't have to be the cerebral being he usually was if he didn't want to be. And he slowly came to realize that he didn't. Shizuo made Izaya privy to his own desire to feel-something, _anything_ -and with Shizuo he knew he didn't have to do anything, just be and nothing else. All that selfless monster wanted in return was permission to be beside him.

That was what he had always loved about Shizuo. The admission opened a stream of saltwater, unnoticed until Shizuo touched his forehead to Izaya's saying, "You're crying, flea."

Izaya found himself caught halfway between a laugh and a sob when he responded, "Shut _up_ Shizu-Chan." His request was honored with another kiss.

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 _Izaya's got to be the most intricately mental kind of tsundere. Ne, I'm tired just thinking about the word weaving and unraveling that goes on in this relationship. Mai c'est l'amour. The next chapter will be the last so please stay tuned. Once again, this fanfic is dedicated to Novoux whose account is collecting dust, ne. (Maybe you should all barrage Novoux's inbox with PMs demanding a glorious return. Just a suggestion.)_

 _This chapter was actually heavily influenced by two songs. Points and perhaps a treat to whoever can name them._

 _Thank you for reading._


	8. Chapter 8

"Daddy!"

Shizuo's reaction time was always a bit delayed whenever those two syllables met his ears. But he immediately felt himself light up at the sound and turned towards Shizuko who promptly threw herself into his outstretched arms. Feeling those little arms wrap around his neck always served as the main reminder that he was a _father_ -he had a daughter.

Then he'd look up and see Izaya closing the front door-the front door to _their home_ -and Shizuo felt a pleasant suffocation when their eyes met.

Shizuko suddenly pulled away and her excited expression pointed at Shizuo demanded attention.

"Mommy said you have a surprise for me!" Shizuo felt his palms start to sweat as he sat Shizuko next to him on the sleek leather couch. Izaya sat on Shizuko's other side and looked at Shizuo in amused silence, his eyes shining crimson with barely concealed mirth.

Shizuo narrowed his eyes at him before directing his attention to Shizuko. Damn flea, making him even more nervous. He raised Shizuko's expectations and Shizuo wasn't sure anything he had to say could warrant her radiant excitement.

"Uh, yeah I do. But I'm not sure you'd like it-"

"I will!" Shizuko sat up straighter and bore her eyes into his with a presence and tone which exceeded her size- _Damn she's just like him, isn't she?_

"Um well, you're my- I mean- I'm your dad, right?"

Izaya almost managed to hide his snort beneath Shizuko's answer of "Yes?" Shizuo felt his brow twitch in irritation-Shut _up_ Izaya. This is hard enough as it is-but otherwise kept his eyes trained on Shizuko.

"Yeah so, shouldn't you kind of have the same last name as me?" There, he said it. And with a hell of a lot less verbal stumbling than he expected.

All at once, Shizuo felt the breath he didn't realize he was holding knocked out of him as Shizuko all but tackled him. He felt more than heard the little girl's answer pressed against the fabric over his chest.

Before he could ask what it was Shizuko said, she pulled away from his chest to look up at him and the only reason Shizuo didn't immediately begin to panic at the sight of salt water forming endearing streams down chubby and reddened cheeks, was the full smile that left him with significantly less air. "Daddy's gonna adopt me, right? That's why you want me to have your last name?"

One day Shizuo was going to stop being shocked speechless at how fast Shizuko's brain worked. Or at least he'd like to think so, but in reality he seriously doubted he ever would and that contradictory fact itself made him happier than he could possibly hope to express.

Brown curls willingly gave way to the brush of his fingers. "Is that a yes?"

"Of course!" The immediacy of the reply solidified something in him which steeled him for what would come next.

Hitching, and obviously fucking fake, breaths made Shizuko turn to look behind her.

Izaya had his face buried in his hands and raised and lowered his shoulders with sporadic movements. Shizuo rolled his eyes even as tiny, concerned fingers frantically tried to pry Izaya's hands from his face.

"Mommy?! Mommy, what's wrong?!" Now Shizuko sounded like _she_ was going to cry, damn it.

Izaya wiped the nonexistent tears from his eyes and gave Shizuko such a pitiful look, it made Shizuo's teeth ache. "You and Daddy are so cruel Shizu-Chan." The cat showed up just in time to be the flea's prop. Scooping the protesting Kanra into his arms and hugging her to his chest, Izaya continued. "You two are going to have fun being Heiwajimas together and leave me and Kanra as Oriharas. That's so mean, ne~" The pout he sent the two of them was most definitely not cute in any way.

Though if Shizuo was unimpressed and unaffected by the flea's performance, Shizuko was the exact opposite. She latched onto Shizuo's vest and turned tear flooded rubies on him. "Daddy adopt Mommy and Kanra too, okay?! Please! You'll make Mommy and Kanra Heiwajimas too, won't you?"

Shizuo sputtered in startled embarrassment, leaving his daughter to interpret his reaction as a negative response.

"You won't?" Shizuko's lower lip trembling may as well have been an electric shock to his system.

"I am, I am! See?!" Shizuo extracted the cubic box whose edges digging into his skin through the fabric of his pants kept the presence of it and its content at the forefront of his mind. Until that point.

Well, _fuck_. Weeks spent rehearsing what he was going to say, and more specifically the last two hours spent circling the living room couch like a wary predator (and bending some of the silverware from nerves only adding the concern of getting more before Izaya noticed) thrown out the window in a moment of panic.

Looking up, Shizuo realized he wasn't alone. Shizuko stared at the velvet cube in fascination while Izaya seemed to have become ten shades paler. Kanra leaping ecstatically out of his loosened hold escaped the notice of Izaya's wide eyes which darted rapidly from Shizuo's hand to his face and back again. Shizuo could see Izaya stopping just at the precipice of the obvious conclusion, refusing to take the dive and make it- _He would put this all on me, wouldn't he?_

"Izaya-" Izaya started violently and looked at Shizuo like he wasn't sure who had spoken or where he was or what was happening and Shizuo felt his heart drop because uncertainty was not something he saw or wanted to see on that pale-made-paler face and it was damn near contagious with how Shizuo's hands started to shake. Yet he knew that their respective uncertainties had more to do with the other's possible reactions than with their own feelings which were doing everything they could to choke them with the intensity of what was not only within but between them, almost palpable.

Cheeks burning and creating a contrast to Izaya's bloodless ones, Shizuo swallowed the rising _fear_ in his throat and lowered himself until he was on one knee in front of Izaya.

"Shizuo-!" Izaya frantically began but suddenly cut himself off when Shizuo's eyes caught his.

"I- I should have done this a long time ago but I was stupid and I let my fear hide what I kinda always knew. And I…well you…you know I-!" Shit, what the hell was he doing? In desperation, Shizuo opened the small box then grabbed Izaya's frozen hand gently. Izaya's breath hitched and a twin sound came from Shizuko who otherwise remained silent. "I know that I can be stupid and you can be an annoying flea and I know that we piss each other off most days of the week. But I-" Come on, come _on_. "I love you. I love you." Relief had him repeat himself, overwhelmed by the truth and lethality of three little which had almost choked him in the frantic rush to repair the damage done by the implied inversion of one of them.

Shizuo rubbed soothing circles onto the back of Izaya's hand which was trembling with the same barely perceptible movements as his lip which he momentarily bit to steady. Upon first opening his mouth to speak, no sound came out but Izaya tried again and managed a, "You mean it?" His voice was so quiet, like he thought if he spoke too loud, the illusion in front of him would disappear.

But it wasn't an illusion. Shizuo _needed_ Izaya to _know_ that it wasn't. So he squeezed the hand in his and said, "I do. I love you."

He could see Izaya frantically searching his eyes for any indication of deception, any reason to withhold himself in an act of self-preservation. Shizuo knew he wouldn't find any.

His only answer was a small nod and Izaya's hand allowing him to slip the simple band of silver on the second finger.

Amusement lent itself to Shizuo's happiness when he kissed Izaya's hand causing Izaya to squeak-yes, _squeak_ flea-in embarrassed indignation and Shizuko to release her pent-up squeals which had been kept quiet by giddy awe.

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 _Ne, I got quite a bit of hate because Izaya and Shizuo's daughter was OOC. I know writers in the fandom usually use Tsugaru, Psyche, Delic, etc., as the child character and I'm a fan of that as well but for this story I felt that the doubles were a bit too much that. Doubles. I wanted an original character that represented what I'd like to imagine as the results of Izaya's parenting. Shizuko was more of a plot vehicle for Shizuo and Izaya to begin again but from real life observations it's clear that a child can solidify a relationship and make what can be taken only as bitter a little sweeter. And that's what Shizuko has done. I plan on writing a handful of short one-shots showing the sickeningly fluffy domestic life of these three but, once again, they will feature Shizuko as a character meant to drive the personal growth of both Shizuo and Izaya. (I'll keep the imaginings of her independent adolescence to myself). I also plan on writing a slightly long epilogue for this story, concerning the marriage of the two protagonists (yes, I'm calling Izaya a protagonist) of Ikebukuro._

 _Thank you for reading._


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